I-N-S-O-M-N-I-A

Shutting down my lappie and off to bed at twelve midnight sharp. Put on my sweater, hugged my pillow and closed my eyes. As the clock tickled, my mind still so fresh and alert. Yet, I was tossing in my bed, from this angle to the other angle, I still can't fall asleep. Still with my eyes closed tightly, counting the jumping sheeps in my heart trying to hypnotize myself to sleep, but to no avail. I still can't fall asleep. =( Fine, rather than tossing in the bed not sleeping, better get up to online. After few attempts to connect the broadband signal, I finally got through. Since I'm just finding ways to make myself sleepy, blogging was the one thing that I could think of at this moment. Glancing at the time at my lappie, it showed te minutes to five. Guess I just have to go back to bed and try to get some sleep before the morning class at nine. Yawning in sleepiness... Nitey nite ^^

Points to Ponder

Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea what-so-ever? Or fell for your best friend in the entire world, and then sat ’round & watched him/her fall for someone else?

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone b’coz your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out ’bout us. BUT everytime we we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you & yet you can never have them… when the moment you can't feel them under your fingertips you miss them?

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something & wishing you had not, or saying nothing & wishing you had? I guess the MOST important things are the HARDEST things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you LUV him or her. If you do, they might break your heart… but if you dont, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple b’coz you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes & whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own… when you least suspect it, or even when you dont want it to.

Have you ever wanted to LUV someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled b’coz we are too afraid to care too much… for fear that the other person does not care as much, or that all LIFE is all ’bout risks & it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back & wonder what they would have, or could have had.

No one waits forever…
When the tears just wont *
Stop falling down *
I’ll be there *
So you see I’ll be there until the end *
This is a promise I can make *
If you ever need me *
Just give me a call & … *
I’ll be there… *
=) LUV, LAUGH & SMILE. Time is the BEST gift you’ll ever receive, don't take it for granted.

Humanity

Lately, things’ve been not going so smooth. Of course, even the sea as well is not always blue & calm. Sometimes there’s the big tide sometimes there’s the calming sea breeze. Call me insane or maybe the believer of supertitious beliefs.

1st encounter: After staying sometimes with my relatives and moved out from there. It was a relief for me to has my own life, my own space, my own privacy. Things were in peace the moment i moved out. Out of the blue, the crisis happened just few days before chinese new year. One of my relatives complained to my parents ’bout my misbehaviour during the stay with them. I never informed them my where’bouts, not paying for my won expenses, spreading rumours ’bout myself being abuse, bad mouth ’bout their so-called bad habits… Damn it! Swear to God that I never did that to these so-called relatives back then. The worst part is that I was told to shut my mouth & to behave for the sake of them as well as for my parents! I was totally stunned. I was claimed to have affairs with colleagues even flirting with the guys around. C’on… with my personality & my physical appearance plus self-confident & self-esteem, bet on hands are there guys attracted to me. Why on earth would I & should I sell myself in cheap sales? The creatures called men might be getting less in this planet yet there are still plenty of them who are solo & successful. Any gals stands a chance for it anyway. More over, the popularity & glamourous of me at works makes these jerks jealous. Only people who really works their works are well-known by each & every corners of the workplace. This applies to every employees especially those young chads like me. I dun say that I’m the most stunning one. Think of it this way: a pig in a bunch of sheeps. The attentions in fact are focus on that pig instead of the bunch of sheeps then. Such nonsenses dun bother me much in fact. But these jerks have the tendency of not seeing people in peace that they create a havoc of it. Instead of making themselves popular in the good ways, they did all stupid & idiot things spoiling their names, themselves, their futures. Again, the ball rolls back to me! Finger pointing at me of the sins they did was claimed to be the sins I’ve done with both my hands. Stupid!! Fine… I forgive them of their stupidities & childish. These jerks dun finish the detroying plan there. From brain washing to blck magics, all sorts of ways to poison others especially my parents in believing that I’m the culprit they are the prey. Bullshit!! Best part of these, my parents trust them! No words can means to clear myslef in this. None believes me not even my parents! I’m really sick of these jerks!! These bunch of jerks in fact are blood-related yet so hypocrite!! They are really expert in making something out of nothing. I only manage to keep my faith strong & do nothing. Even explainations mean nothing none other than self-defending. All sorts of accusatories throw on me will somehow return to these hypocrite jerks someday somehow even worse by God. God is the Greatest!

2nd encounter: We are born as human being & gifted with human brain should we be happy & make full use of it. In fact, we should not forget that there are still the animal sense we carried as human being. Only people gifted with human brain but animal sense will act like animal. None other than animal or worse. Working with people who are not only bossy but do nothing good works nothing well are really a torture to our so-called pure yet innocent souls. The abuse of mentality when working with such bunch of stupid pro who called themselves the role-model is worst than the canning punishment by the prison officers! The pain of the wound we have is not as hurting as the mentality abouse cause by them. The effect of long term mentality abuse is life long. No guarantee of fully recover in it. None & never deliver their works properly only work with their mouth. Their subordinates like me suffers. Of the works I’ve done, I dun ask for compliments or recognitions, not even a word sof thanks i deserved. Working in such environment, one way of avioding myself getting chestpains & tension, these jerks are totally into transparent animals to me. I care nothing I bother nothing I only do my part my works. That’s it. Their mistakes are always the subordinates mistakes. Where on earth in this planet so lucky that we can find a person called human so human dare to admit his mistakes & humble enough to learn from their subordinates?? May God blessed me.

3rd encounter: My parents called me yesterday to informed me to go back at once seeing my garndma for the last time. At the age of 90, the children or the doctors cant do much to save an old life. The moment I saw my grandma lying so weak & breathless on the bed, tears rolled down my cheeck. Recalling back my childhood, I was brought up in a family with strong mindset of male chauvinism. Every generations are rooted with the importance of males in the family despite of the mother carrying the baby-boy in their wombs for 9 months before delivered. If males are so important, why cant they get pregnant & do all house chores? Gals are not given the equality of being educated like guys, to be married at young ages even gals who get married are not supposed to be a career women. Gals are borned to be the weak party also the protective spesies of all times. In any substances, guys are always the priority over gals who are capable nowadays. No matter how civilise we are these days, the minority of these conservatives categories still exist whereby the weakest is still the female also the burden in any substances. Being brought up in the typical old China family, I have to worked so much harder than other people to stand out for myself. I have to study hard under pressure from not only my family also my relatives who are so hypocrite. Scoring flying colours in my studies, having a so-called good job & the so-called good prospect career, the succes of joining government services… Its never an easy & smooth journey for me. It takes strong faith & determinations to undergo all this hardships. I can still recalled the time I completed my study. My relatives dun give a damn at all. All the while looking down upon me as the lowest category in their family, I has to push & force myself going beyond the capability to achieve higher & a step ahead of them. The dreadful & harsh words from my relatives hit me a sudden realising that I have to be strong facing obstacles in life. Thank God for giving me a strong faith & determinations facing all challenges in life. As of the achievements I have standing where I am now, I’m relieve of being who I am. In fact, I’m grateful to all these jerks giving me opporunities to live a better life after all. May God grant me with stronger faith & will to achieve higher & much better..

4th encounter: My boss called up to say that I’m not eligible for more than one days of emergency leaves & to check on how ill is my grandma. Not to mention that I have to resume duty next week no matter how. The sensibility as human being knowing another party facing the lost of their beloved as shown by my boss is really inhumanity. Put herself in my shoes & bet her bp will shoot up to the maximum reading being treated so. I gave no response. Rushing to the nearest branch, I did all procedures as according to the inhumanity boss & fax it immediate to her. Again thanks to her sensibility as a human being gifted an animal sense, may God the Greatest bless her.

Life is short but beautiful. I’m grateful to all these jerks who create havoc in my life by giving me the opportunity of growing up & learning the lesson of survival. Keeping my faith strong, I swear to lead my life to the fullest as long as I’m breathing & alive. May God always be with me granting me the peace of mind & strong will.

Assignment Weekend

Think this aint the 1st time spending my weekend on assignment. Again. It has been countless times since my final year commenced. Even seniors were asking why is my batch so busy in final year. Cant find any answer as both batches are taught by the same lecturers. Supposedly there is the negotiation line for the piles of tasks to be done but doesn't seem like there is rooms for negotiation. So, just forget 'bout it. Let's just concentrate doing my assignments. Aih... another boring weekend...

Screwed my mid term

Mid term period is ending soon, yet I have screwed most of my mid term exam. Did not really prepare for it. Have spend too many times on the assignments. Same goes to today's midterm exam. Had all theories jumbled up and messed up. o.O...

Gastric-ing

Have been bearing the sudden pain of gastric since yesterday. =( Recalled back, I have had regular meals: biscuits for breakfast, rice and squid for lunch, and korean set meal for dinner. Today, as early as 3a.m., hot milo o kaw was my first breakfast as I am on vegetarian today. Before I left for the morning class at 8a.m., the vegetarian instant noodle was counted as the heavy breakfast for me. Still my stomach is experiencing the moodiness today. It lasted until now. Blogging to distract from the gastric pain at SKTM, it does not seem to have any effect. Still feeling the gastric pain. @.@ Sensing myself abit moody, after the frozen to awake early this morning... @.@

Frozen to awake at 3a.m.

What a cold morning. I was frozen to awake at 3a.m. Was covered with sweater, socks on my feet and in long pants, yet the cold is not just simply cold, it's damn freezing cold! Tip-toeing to turn off the fan and back to my bed to continue my sleep. Yet my roomate covering herself in blanket turned on the fan again. Argghh... She has got a blanket to cover herself from the coldness. Arrgghh... Just have to get up from bed to study. The mean time, got the kettle heated up to boil water for hot drink as early as 3a.m. Crawling back to bed then, yet having gastric till now. =(

Rainy Day as early as at 4a.m.

Was awake suddenly by the cuckloo alarm yet staring blurly outside the window, it's raining. Ohh... No wonder the bed is so cozy and warmth. ^^ The bed is warmth and very very cozy, only at this moment, close my eyes, off to sleep again. But before that, where has my pillow gone to? Searching around with my eyes closed, I found it, cuddled it and off to Dreamland. Again.. Good morning ^^

p.s.: Cannot think of why am I setting my alarm so early. Forget 'bout it... Back to sleep again. ^^

Sex Education in Malaysia

A glince at the education forums, this title seriously attract me to click on the link and read it. Mentioning 'bout the sex education, the word 'sex' is still a taboo especially in Asian countries. This topic has been longed discussed and analyze from the view of the races in the country and also the mindset of the typical Asian. The roles of the parents, or the educators to the young ones, the roles and responsibilities is still being questioned in the teaching and learning process of sex education. The biology subject which is taught in secondary school does not seem to be helping much on educating the students on sex education. In fact, it is very much on the body structures of a male and female. When the teacher is being questioned by the students on the structure of the sex organs of both sex, either the teacher touched the topic vaguely or simply just ended the lesson. How to expect the students to understand the lesson when the teacher just simply answer the students. The is also the fear of talking 'bout sex education openly, and very often, frowned upon if we bring up the title. While the parents choose to remain in silent fearing that it is a very shameful topic. Thinking from the perspective of the teenagers, the curiosity of knowing is killing them very much since they are not given an opportunity to learn sex educations. From the positive side, sex education can educate the youngster bout healthy sex life and further understanding of sexual intercourse. Vice versa, from the negative side, the youngsters are being exposed on sex education too early, and this will lead to the possibility of the youngster involving in the unhealthy sexual activities.

Sweet Sweet Chocolate Cheesy Cake

Snapping from my digital camera with the timer setting when celebrating my mummy's big day.^^ With both my brother (the cheeky brother on the left and the handsome brother on the right) at my mummy's side and me squeezed through in between. Kinda dark and the lighting is not so well control. Anyway the chocolate cheesy cake is way much sweeter and sweetest for my mummy on her big day. ^^

FYP-ing

Finding the tiny slot of time of the busy times for FYP-ing. Supposedly I should have done AT LEAST two chapters for now. Yet due to some unavoided reasons, my FYP still blank like before. Hmm... not to say that blank. There are still some unimportant parts which I have touched up abit during the last semester break. Catching up with the fast running times, forcing my brain cells to work extra harder squeezing the ideas out. Think.. Think.. Think big... Think fast... Think out of the box... Gosh... I'm pushing my brain cell so hard so much. There is nothing else I can do to force the words out one by one. Only then will the sentences and phrases flows smoothly on the keyboard to the monitor.

Peak Season

Guess its must have been the mid term exams and assignments period. There are the non-stop incoming assignments, either individual or group assignments, group projects plus the DEADLY fyp, all of us are tensed with the fyp and studies. To choose to focus in study or to choose to do fyp, that is a hard decision to make. Aih... I want more than 24 hours a day!! I have already cut down my sleeping time and eating time, just to have more time to complete all the tasks based on the priority. Damn!! I still do not have extra times for study. And I desperately needed the extra 15 minutes for sleep. With the running nose and irritating throat, I barely can concentrate in either one of the tasks given, expecially my fyp. Huhhu...

Sauna-ing in the Library

For the sake of completing the tasks, I went to library after lab hoping that the signal and line would be very stable there. First thing when reaching library, renew the books and filled stomach then only head for empty cubicle to do my FYP. What the fish!! The library was very humid and stuffy. It like sauna-ing in the cubicle. Fanning myself with the mouse-pad while connecting to the Internet. The line got connected yet the login page was unable to be displayed. Sauna-ing for almost an hour with the unavailability of the Internet, I headed off to SKTM to online with few of my coursemates. Some want to online complete the blogs, some want to find reference for FYP.

Reaching SKTM only to find out the same problem occured here. The line is active but access is not available. Damn!! This is a public network for students to use yet... At the very critical time, the WLAN is giving problems to us. Luckily, we have got coursemate who is willing to lend out her broadband modem and let the needy used it. ^^ Each of us is busy with our own tasks. Full concentration...

p.s.: shhh... no disturbance in the tutorial room...